Twelve

I looked at her. The heat moved up to my esophagus. I wanted to call her every curse word in the book, in Spanglish, yet the heat choked me. I had no energy, not one bit, not a speck of it left. I turned my face and waded and waited in silence.

Read More
Lorraine Avila
Open Letter to Food

“Yesterday, I went to the cardiologist in the Dominican Republic, and he said, “Tu electrocardiograma es de un atleta.” I blushed at my heart’s activity being compared to that of an athlete. It was the first time in my life someone had measured my health via my internal components and not by looking at my figure. “

Read More
Lorraine Avila
Oakland

“In Oakland you accepted that your solitude is not a quirk, it’s an absolute necessity. That you’re not anti-social, you’re selective because you respect your sensitive. That asking for help makes you stronger not a begger. That being of service to others isn’t a waste but a gain. That sex isn’t power, and it never feels better than choosing yourself. That putting your mental health on top is the only way. That making yourself small is no longer the wave. “

Read More
Lorraine Avila
In Labor

At home, I take a swig of the rum underneath my bed to burn away all that has been left unsaid and to cure the lesions of all I said I should’ve held. I touch a book. Feed my soul what I can- a story, a chapter, a cluster of phrases and words.

Read More
Lorraine Avila
Body

Heart rate is rising. Chest is contracting. Breathe, Lorraine. You are what all the parts of your body are working for. You are doing the best you can. Breathe. You are doing the best you can. It’s not meant to be for you to go to the gym, maybe you are meant to be writing during this extra time.

Read More
Lorraine Avila
We Are the Stories We Tell Ourselves

I stopped telling myself that stressed teachers care more about their students, that over-worked teachers are the only ones that get results. I started telling myself that I could be just as effective if I left work at the time I was supposed to. I started selling myself the idea that I had to choose myself to be a better teacher.

Read More
Lorraine Avila
The Cut Off

This is not about femininity. About what makes me a woman or about what attracts a lover.
This is about me. About beginnings and bouncing. This is about my status: breathing and healed.

Read More
Lorraine Avila